Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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