i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she smelled like a LAN party
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
