I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
