you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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