Betty ford says i'm here all night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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