don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
