Dual....:-)
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
