and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
