I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
