If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
