It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
