Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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