What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
