Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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