I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
