I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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