So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
