You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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