Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You can't motorboat a personality
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
