I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
