my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
