She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
