Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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