When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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