i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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