i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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