i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
