I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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