I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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