just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
