I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
