im about as happy as oj after his trial
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
