when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
