Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
