if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a beard to bite.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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