giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
