i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
