I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
