I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
