im having a threesome with these popsicles
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
