Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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