I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
babies were throwing up all over the place
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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