what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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