can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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