Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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