If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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