also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
