Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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