I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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