closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
