I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
