i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
