well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How does one acquire holy water?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
