I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
