her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
