Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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