She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
