3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
