Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
