I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
