I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
