So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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