i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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