We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
