the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
