I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize