and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
