What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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