Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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