Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
