I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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