you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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