I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
someone owes me an orgasm
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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