well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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