i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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