I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
