um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
