I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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