am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
