Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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