Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
