separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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