Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
