I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
