nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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